Sweet Apple Massacre spoof
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: Big Macintosh, in his unexplained crazed state, hunts down the crusaders after they escape the scene from the orginal story.. Meanwhile, Ditto, the star of my popular story "The Story of Ditto" returns with a new role.. Rated M, Strong language, strong violence
1. Chapter 1

Big Macintosh, in his crazed state, was now holding the cutie mark crusaders hostage, however he soon began feeling very guilty for his actions towards the fillies, and began having second thoughts.

Unfortunately, Scootaloo began to ruin this happy moment when she suddenly asked "Hey Big Mac.. Dose your mother know your gay?".

"Wha- No!" Big Mac cried.

HAHAHA! SHE DOSEN'T KNOW!" Scootaloo laughed uncontrollably, strangely enough, the other two crusaders also began laughing, despite the horrifying situration they are under.

"I meant NO, I'm not gay. Not. No. My mother dosen't not know I'm gay" Big Mac whined.

"No, no, it's cool, Rainbow Dash is also gay" Sweetie Belle insisted.

"No she's not" Big Mac revealed.

"No, BUT YOU ARE!" Sweetie Belle cried, and the crusaders burst into laugher.

Big Mac was now exteremely angry and began searching around for a particaler something he left in the barn.

AppleBloom added to the joke, saying, "H Hey Big Mac. When was Mattew Mcconaughey's birthda-

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" Big Mac screamed, now revealing to have position to a pump shotgun.

"Holly shi- WERE'D YOU GET A GUN!?" AppleBloom cried in fear.

Duaa. The gun store, now shut up and stay quite" Big Mac ordered.

"Jeeze.. Don't have a cow man" Scootaloo mocked.

* * *

At the meantime, Saten Twist, the star of _Saten Twist Adventures _happened to be outside the barn, and went to investigate.

* * *

Big Mac was still holding the crusaders hostage.

Saten appeared at the door "Yo, what's with all the nois-

Before the anti hero, red pegasus could finish, Big Mac panicked and shot his shotgun at Saten Twist who unfortantly had the bullet fired directly though his head, killing the Pegasus instantly.

Big Mac turned back to the crusaders only to realize that they somehow managed to escape.

"Damn it, I knew I shouldn't of left the back door open" Big Mac groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

The crusaders managed to successfully escape the barn, due to Big Mac having left the back door open, and was distracted long enough for the fillies to sneak out.

"Man. Poor Saten" AppleBloom whimpered, as she was clearly close friends with him, despite AppleJack, often being worried about Saten's lack of being a proper _role model._

"It's okay. He's in heaven now" Scootaloo said comfortingly.

* * *

_HEAVEN: _

_"What do you mean I can't go in!? It's heaven for god sakes" Saten cried annoyedly, as a security guard, like, angle was blocking the entrance to heaven._

_"I'm sorry Mr Twist. But according to the list, your not classified as an appropriate person to have in here.. Not only are you a angry alcoholic.. But your also a bit of a pervert, I mean, you stalked the same orange southern pony for the past three years" The guard told the red Pegasus._

_"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Saten cried angrily._

_"Such language isn't gonna help your problem young man" The angle said sternly._

_"Look. If it's about the weed, I'm not good under peer pressure" Saten insisted._

_"You did weed!?" The angle cried._

_"... Nooo" Saten said nervously._

* * *

Meanwhile.

The crusaders, needing a place to lay low, knocked on the door of a female earth pony named MarySue, and informed her of the situration.

"Well, if Saten's dead, I guess it's not ALL bad" MarySue laughed.

"That's not funny!" All three crusaders cried angrily.

"Whatever. Come in. I'll inform Celestia of the situration" MarySue replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Down in Canterlot, Celestia did indeed get a letter from MarySue about Big Mac's rampage.

"Wht should we do?" Princess Luna asked.

"Only thing TO do.. Go get our old pal Ditto. I made him chief of the pony police.. Seemed like a suitable role for someone like him" Celestia said.

"Ohh.. But why do 'I' have to get him.. Ditto's been constantly hitting on me for the past few weeks, not really sure why he chooses NOW, out of the nearly 2 centuries". Luna replied.

"Well., he never really knew you very well till now, you were in the moon for all those years" Celestia insisted.


	4. Chapter 4

Luna brings Ditto to Celestia, who informs Ditto of his new orders.

"Well.. I'll try my best" Ditto insisted.

"Great.. But try to keep the prisoner alive this time" Luna said sternly.

"Hey. Hey. You can't keep blaming me for that!" Ditto whined.

* * *

_WEEK AND A HALF EARLER:_

_Ditto hogtied a small time criminal who was robbing one of the places in Appleloosa, and put the thief in the back of Luna's carriage, as she was choosen to be the one to bring Ditto back, as his wings were damaged from that day._

_"I did all without firing a bullet" Ditto said, revelling to have an old style revolver as his weapon of choice._

* * *

_Luna was still driving though the desert, still not having picked up enough speed to fly yet._

_"Are we there yet?" The prisoner childishly asked every five or ten seconds._

_Ditto annoyedly turned towards the prisoner "Do you ever shut u-_

_Suddenly, Ditto's gun mistakingly went off and resulted in the prisoner bing shot in the face from off view, and blood sprayed all over Ditto and Luna._

_"What w__as that!?" Luna cried, unaware what happened, and only heard the noise, and was sprayed by the blood._

_Ditto looked over at the still off view, body._

_"Aww, shit, I shot him in the face" Ditto groaned._

_"WHAT!? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT!?" Luna angrily screamed._

_"Wow.. Never heard you swear., it's kinda hot" Ditto flirted._

_"Shut up! I can't believe you would kill someone like that!. I mean, I knew you were always kinda crazy bu- _

_"I'm not crazy!. It was only an accident" Ditto replied._

_"Aw man. I've seen some crazy shit but th- _

_"Calm down., As I said, it was an accident.. We must of hit a bump or something" Ditto insisted._

_"It's a desert, it's ALL bumps!" Luna cried angrily. _

_"Look. I didn't mean to shot the kid in the face. These things just 'happen" Ditto admitted._

_"God! I'm gonna need a shower!" Luna cried, looking at all the blood covering her beauitful blue body._

_"Ohh.. Thanks for the 'vision" Ditto said pervertly._

_"Shut up! I'm not in the mood" Luna growled._


	5. Chapter 5

Ditto finished giving Shining Armor and several other guards news about their new orders.

"Questions?" Ditto asked, hovering over them, so everyone can see him.

"Yeah, isn't there one ELSE we should hearing this from.. A PRINCESS particularly?" on of the ponies mocked.

"Don't be a dick" Ditto growled.

* * *

Ditto and his team were readying themselves for the trip to Ponyville.

Luna had to tke away Ditto's gun so there isn't a repeat of the Appleloosa incident.

"But what if the guy is armed?" Ditto worried.

"Don't worry, everyone 'else' will still have guns, just stay behind them" Luna insisted.

"Alright. But if I do this.. Maybe you could finally go out with me?" Ditto asked nervously.

"Sorry sweetie. I don't think that may be the best idea, I mean, we're completely differently people. It won't work out" Luna said, choosing her words carefully.

"I guess" Ditto sighed.

Luna began leaving.

"But can I at least think of you in the shower?" Ditto called out to her.

"NOO!" Luna cried off view.

"... Well I'm still go 'gonna" Ditto groaned to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

AppleJack ended up accidently wondering into the barn that Big Mac nearly killed the crusaders in.

But the whole room looked strangely more sinister then usual, it was strangely dark inside it. And a spiked bat _(like the one in Dead Rising 2) _laid near one of the walls.

But she also saw a trail of blood leading to the hey, and out of curiosity she dug though the hey only to discover a dead body witch made her give a understandable scream of fright. But not long after, she started looking more clearly at it.

The body hidden in the hey, was the one Saten Twist, the red Pegasus laid lifelessly, a huge bullet hole in though his head, and was still bleeding out despite being there for quite some time.

AppleJack felt a huge mix of emotions, but among the biggest of them was the feeling of guilt.

Guilt for how she treated him all this time.

Nobody has ever loved her as strongly as Saten Twist has, and she treated him rather poorly.

This also lead the feeling of anger, it's clear that this was 'murder', and she won't let this go unanswered.

"You shouldn't be here" Came a sudden voice.

AppleJack quickly turned over, and saw Big Mac hidden in the dark, and his green eyes glowing.

"Y You! It was YOU wasn't it!" AppleJack cried angrily.

"What are you talking you?" Big Mac asked.

"THAT!" AppleJack cried angrily pointing at Saten's body. "HOW CAN YOU DO THAT!?"

Oh, right that.. Well. He annoyed me. I mean. All those fuckin stories of him! I am WAY more entertaining then Saten Twist!" Big Mac said trollingly.

AppleJack growled at him like a territorial dog.

"Don't look at me like that sis. I did ya a favor.. Your always saying you hate that drunken douchebag" Big Mac pointed out.

"Yeah. Well.. He was still me my friend.. AND YOU KILLED HIM!" AppleJack screamed.

"Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about i-

Before Big Mac finished, AppleJack threw a punch at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**This next scene is directly based off my favorite moment from SAW 2.**

* * *

Big Mac was quick enough that he dodged AppleJack's punch and grabbed her and knees her aggressively in the stomach, and as she was bent over in pain he gave her an uppercut punch against the face, knocking her on the ground.

He then approached her to finish her off, but she quickly sprung herself back up, doing so made her hat fall off her head, and punched him in the stomach, and the fight containued.

The fight lasted for quite some time, and was evenly matched, but in the end AppleJack, after getting advantage of the fight, pushed him away after punching him countless times, and Big Mac tripped over the spiked bat that was still in the barn. But as he was getting back up AppleJack violently bucked him across the face, breaking his nose and blackening his eyes.

AppleJack, believing him unconscious, and the fight over, began leaving, but for an unexplained reason she suddenly fell into violent caughing.

Big Mac secretly got back up, as AppleJack was distracted, looking rather spooky, as the room was still rather dark.

Suddenly AppleJack screamed in pain, and she turned around, revealing the Spiked bat having been stabbed into the back of her head by Big Mac.

AppleJack turned to Big Mac who looked back at her with no remorse seen in his eyes.

"son of a-" Were AppleJack's weak last words before falling down dead.

"Now get up and apologize!" Big Mac angrily cried.

AppleJack laid lifeless, blood pouring out of her.

'Oh. Right" Big Mac remembered.

Big Mac then grabbed AppleJack's classic hat started wearing it as his own, and then began to hide AppleJack's body in some hay, like he did Saten earlier.


	8. Chapter 8

_IN HEAVEN: _

* * *

_For whatever reason AppleJack wasn't allowed into heaven._

_"Won't approve of me!?.. Why wouldn't they approve of me!? I'm adorable" AppleJsck insisted._

_THe guard didn't respond, used continued blocking the gate._

_AppleJack saw Saten sitting at the corner bored out of his mind._

_"Oh Saten. What are we gonna do- _

_"WE!? (stands up) Wow, wow, missy. You had your chance to be WE for about three years now. I'm done with you AppleJa- _

_Before Saten finished, AppleJack gave him a quick kiss._

_"Never mind. Happy to help" was Saten's automatic response.  
_

_"So, what's the plan?" AppleJack asked anxiously._

_"Well.. Your have to lesson closely.. My plan is very complex, and involves a great deal of time and thought" Saten explained._

_Saten then began putting his plan into motion, and punched the guard unconscious witch is hardly a plan at all._

_"Alright. Now we can go inside" Saten said, opening the gate and the two of them went inside._


	9. Chapter 9

**Before I start.. May I just freely shout out. Tomorrow is my birthday.**

* * *

A few days passed and young Twilight, unaware of BIg Mac's murderous rampage, knocked on the door of Big Mac's barn.

* * *

Big Mac was sharpening a large machete on a grindstone wheel, while the chorus of Korn - Bottled Up Inside filled the be background.

* * *

Young Twilight knocked again, louder this time.

* * *

Big Mac heard it this time, and put the machete on the table, turned off the song, and open the door only to see a particular purple alicorn looking back at him.

"Hey, hey. Twilight, never noticed how HOT you actually are" Big Mac said pervertly, while eyeing her pony body.

Twilight didn't respond.

"Hey.. How's about you come in. So I can rap- I mean, HANG with you" Big Mac insisted.

"I don't have time.. I'm looking for Spike. I haven't seen him all day" Twilight told, showing how much of a mother she is to the little dragon.

"Oh, as a matter oh fact I 'did' see him. Not that long ago" Big Mac admitted.

"Well, where is he!? I want to see him!" Twilight said, in a motherly voice.

"Well.. He went into my shed.. People don't go into my shed! EVER!" Big Mac cried.

"What shed? What are you talking about!?" Twilight cried confusedly.

"Haha.. You should of seen his face" Big Mac laughed.

"Big mac! I am running out patience! NOW WHERE'S _MY _SPIKE!?" Twilight cried, sternly.

"Fine. Here he is" Big Mac said, and suddenly revealed a small, decapitated head, and tragically, it was Spike's.

Twilight was completely shocked, her mouth fell open, and her beauitful purple eyes were completely widened.

We could all imagine how terrible this must be for her, she was more or less his big sister, and enjoyed having the role.

"Its a good look for him, wouldn't you say?" Big Mac darkly joked.

Twilight, still in shock, covered one of her soft hooves over her mouth.

Big Mac laughed and shook Spike's head like a toy, making Spike's eyes go up and down like bobble heads.

"It's fun to shake him, and watch his eyes go up and dow-

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Twilight screamed in full out rage, and further broke his nose by punching him in it, and while he was down she aggressively pushed him into the barn.

Big Mac still had his shotgun in the barn and grabbed it.

Twilight was fast enough that she dodged the bullets and sprinted away from the murderer.

"Damn it.. It usually takes me 7 whole minutes to reload this stupid gun" Big Mac groaned.


	10. Chapter 10

Meanwhile.

Ditto, Shining Armor and several other officers finally reached Ponyville but still couldn't find Big Mac yet.

Ditto decided to ask someone if they seen Big Mac and saw a fellow pony named Tom Foolery traveling and decided to fly over to him.

"Hello" Ditto greeted Tom.

"Oh hey.. It's the famish one" Tom said back.

"If you say so" Ditto said modestly.

"Say.. Aren't you chief of police now?" Tom asked.

"I.. Guess" Ditto said, still modestly.

"What brings you to pony. All out of donuts in canterlot?" Tom joked, and suddenly a laugh track was suddenly heard.

"... What the hell was that!?" Ditto cried, hearing the laughter.

"Sorry. Can't get rid of them" Tom admitted.

"Whatever.. We're looking for Big Mac. Stop him before murders more people" Ditto replied making anouther laugh track.

"Wait, how is that funny!?" Ditto cried.

"They think EVERYTHING is funny sir" Tom groaned.

Anouther laugh track is heard.

"See" Tom groaned.

"Anyway.. I'm afried I don't know where he is sir. But hope you get him. He killed Saten and now I'll NEVER get the money he owed me" Tom admitted, making anouther laugh track be heard much to Ditto's annoyance.

"Yes, that always sucks dosen't it" Ditto chuckled, making the audience laugh even harder, and giving Ditto twice the annoyance.

Anyway. Sorry to bother you" Ditto said, flying off.

* * *

Ditto reached back to the other officers.

"You find our anything sir?" One of ponies asked.

"Sadly no, but we are running out of time... Where's my lead captain!?" Ditto cried.

Shining Armor, the said lead Captain ran into view.

"Here I am sir. Right. Indeed. Here. Indeed. Yes I am. Sir!" Shining Armor cried, giving a solute.

"We have to hurry up and find Big Mac.. After all. He thinks he can just, murder three people and get away with it!" Ditto cried.

"Yes. I wouldn't bet a corn farthering on his escaping sir. No, not a corn farthering I'd indeed sir" Shining Armor replied, in a weird way of saying it.

"... Your still drunk aren't you?" Ditto groaned.

"Yes I am sir. Drunk from the party. Yes. From the the party. Indeed I am sir. Drunk from the party. Sir!" Shining replied.


	11. Chapter 11

Meanwhile.

MarySue, still letting the crusaders hide in her house, was seen watching tv.

* * *

_TV: We know return to the Trevor Phillips show._

_Trevor: (seeing therapist) I'm telling you doc, I grieved him! And he wasn't even (bleep)in dead! The turd lied to me all this time._

_Doctor: I see.. And how dose that make you feel?_

_Trevor: (offended by this) What is it with you!? Always with my 'feelings'!?_

_Doctor: I'm just trying t- _

_Trevor: (angry) I HAD A HARD LIFE ALRIGHT! MY DADDY! WAS NOT! NICE TO ME!_

_Doctor: And how dose that make you fe- _

_Trevor: (completely snaps and breaks the doctor's neck, killing him) (bleep) YOU BITCH! WHO THE (bleep) YOU SPEAKING TOO! WHO!? _

_Trevor: (angrily throws something) (bleep)ED WITH THE WRONG MOTHER(bleep)ER!_

* * *

Suddenly MarySue heard a knock on her door.

* * *

_Trevor: (heard on tv, literary EVERYTHING he says is bleeped out, making one extremely long bleep that goes on and on the remainder of the show)._

* * *

MarySue, sighing, turned off the tv and opened her from door, only to find the purple alicorn, Twilight Sparkle, looking back at her, fear and anxiety it her beautiful eyes.

"Where's the fire?" MarySue joked.

"Spike.. Big Mac.. Shotgun.. SAVE ME!" Twilight said while still heavily catching her breath.

"Wow. Wow.. Slow down sweetie. Tell me what happened?" MarySue said soothingly.

"Well. It started whe-

Before Twilight finished, suddenly there a loud bang, and Twilight fell onto the ground.

Poor girl has been shot, and the back of her head was nothing but a huge hole now. And blood heavily poured of her, as she laid against her stomach, lifeless.

"Oh my god.. Are you okay!?" MarySue asked, kinda stupidly.


	12. Chapter 12

Big Mac came into view, showing to have been the one to murder Twilight, as he had an pump action shotgun held in his hoofs. The same gun he killed Saten Twist with.

Big Mac saw MarySue still at the door, and started demanding her to give up the cutie mark crusaders, saying he is well aware that MarySue is protecting them from him.

"I don't know what your tal-" MarySue began saying, but Big Mac angrily interrupted her.

"SPEAK YOU LITTLE CUNT!" Big Mac screamed angrily.

"I'm not ly- Wait. Did you call me a cunt!?" MarySue cried.

"What of it?" Big Mac groaned.

"Well.. It's kinda uncalled for" MarySue admitted.

"I killed four people! You think I give a shit about about being 'called for" Big Mac cried angrily.

"Well. Still I-

"Look!.. Just shut up and tell where the fuckin fillies are!" Big Mac cried out.

"They already left" MarySue pointing at crusaders as they were quickly running into the distance, as MarySue successfully distracted him.

"NOOO!" Big Mac screamed in frustration.

"Hahaha! Loser!" MarySue mocked.

"SHUT UP!" Big Mac screamed, and smashed the back of the gun against her MarySue's face, breaking the woman's nose.

"You dick!" MarySue cried, in between pain.

Big Mac ignored her and continued chasing the fillies before it was too late.


	13. Chapter 13

THe cutie mark crusaders where eventually trapped into an dead end.

Big Mac caught up to them, and pointed his pump action shotgun at them.

Suddenly the gun got shot out of Big Mac's hands, everyone looked over to see an young police pony holding a pistol.

"Huh. Not bad for a rookie.. Now keep that gun on him. Take no chances" Ditto said to the fellow police pony, after flying into view.

"Yes chief Ditto" The unnamed police pony said, still pointing his small M1911 pistol at Big Mac.

Ditto began approaching Big Mac.

"Ditty! It's me!" Scootaloo cried adorably waving at him, and forgetting her own feel.

"I see that.. But now's not the time sweetie" Ditto told Scootaloo.

"Fair enough" Scootaloo replied.

Ditto approached Big Mac.

"Big Macintose. You are under arrest for the murders of... Shit. They didn't give me there names" Ditto said.

"Well.. Actually. Cadence gave me the names of the victims before we left" The unnamed police pony admitted.

Ditto turned over to the unnamed police pony saying "well you could of tol-

Before the sentence was finished Big Mac seized the distraction and punched Ditto hard enough that the alicorn fell down on his face.

The unnamed police pony open fired on Big Mac but Big Mac barrel rolled against the ground, dodging the bullets and then grabbed his double barrel.

Big Mac was quick enough that he shot the unnamed police pony in the face, killing him instantly.

Ditto angrily runs over to Big Mac but Big Mac shoots Ditto in the gut, making Ditto fall to the ground in pain.

"DITTOO!" Screamed Scootaloo, and she tried running over to him, but the Big assho- I mean, Mac, pointed the gun at her, telling her "Stay, put, you little runt".

Whimpering in fear, Scootaloo stayed put.

"Leave her alone!" Ditto growled.

"No way., she's been annoying me all day. She's first!" Big Mac said, in dark humor.

"NNNNNOOOOOOO!" Ditto screamed out.

"Too late!" Big Mac laughed, and prepared to kill Scootaloo wait then and there.

But suddenly Ditto had a huge adrenaline rush, and ignoring the pain in his chest, he sprinted towards Big Mac.

Before Big Mac knew what hit him, Ditto punched him in the face, as hard as the Ditto ever had in his life, and knocking out of one Big Mac's teeth as the red stallion fell to the ground.

With intense speed, Big Mac took out a knife and tried stabbing it into Ditto, But Ditto caught grip of Big Mac's arm, and violently broke it.

And then Ditto gave Big Mac another punch in the face, and painfully held Big Mac down on the ground, making it impossible for the villain to escape.

"You ever threaten my Scootaloo like that again, and I'll rip your FUCKIN HEAD OFF!" Ditto violently told Big Mac.

From there, Shining and the others showed up.

"Jesus! Took you long enough!" Ditto cried annoyedly, while getting off Big Mac and being tearfully hugged by Scooty.

"We got lost" Shining admitted.

"Whatever. Just get him in the wagon" Ditto said, still being tightly hugged by the orange filly, and had to gently pull her away, as unfortunately he was still very busy, but he promised to properly catch up later.


	14. Chapter 14

A few days later, Big Mac was brought to a courtroom.

Big Mac, still wearing an cast over his arm and seen with a blackened eyed, claimed constantly on his innocence. But the various fingerprints on the bat that killed AppleJack, the blood on his body, crazy look in his eyes, and the camera footage of him decapitating Spike all spoke for themselves, and the court didn't believe a second of his lies.

"B But it wasn't my idea, it was HERS (reveals Twilights old doll, smartypants, to the crowd). She told me to kill them!" Big Mac cried out.

"Really?.. You realise your talking about a toy doll right?" The judge said, rather annoyed.

"Hey. We all find 'love' in different ways" Big Mac insisted.

"You got a lot of problems don't you?" Ditto said annoyedly.

* * *

Big Mac was violently thrown into his prison cell by Ditto, who has done everything BUT forgiven Big Mac, and it's clear he still hates the red stallions guts.

"These court people are wimps. If it were up to me, your be hung by now" Ditto said to the prisoner.

"Yeah, fuck you two!" Big Mac mocked.

Ditto was in no mood and punched Big Mac's still broken arm, causing Big Mac severe pain.

Ditto intended to cause MORE harm to him, but Luna, who was around, held the black alicorn back.

"It's not worth it sweetie.. It's not like he's going anywhere" Luna said softly.

"Fine" Ditto groaned, and left the room, Luna soon behind him.

* * *

**THE END! **


End file.
